That time I asked myself the hard question and the answer I didn't want to hear
In 2019, I came to grips with the harsh reality that for years I had been waiting on the sidelines to hopefully one day pursue my dreams and start living out my purpose.
This meant that I felt no purpose in what I was doing in my day-to-day. Sure I found meaning in raising my daughter and with my family, but I felt exhausted and meaningless in my work and daily life. I was living in a constant state of “one day.” This is how a lot of people feel—that purpose is something large scale like pursuing a dream, starting a business, or achieving something grand.
But the truth I found over the last year is that purpose is about living intentionally. I believe this is where most people get confused and hold themselves back. They believe they have to see a dream being fulfilled or figure out their “reason for living,” aka their purpose, and if they’re not then they are just on the sidelines hoping to one day be in the game.
I started to learn that purpose is practically walked out when we understand how our actions are connected to something bigger than ourselves. I used to think that looks like being a public figure, saving lives, owning a company, being an influencer, doing ministry, etc., but it’s actually much simpler and deeper than that. I started to look at how every little action I took connected to something larger. The opportunity to contribute to something bigger than us is already available, we just have to shift our focus to see it.
Here's an example from one of my coaching clients:
Mark: Financial advisor, works with clients in the middle-class income range, no huge portfolios to manage, nothing fancy
Recent Situation: He helped a family get their budget in order and after years of struggling to get out of debt, they finally paid off their credit card bill after working with Mark. He also helped set up income protection for this family, and recently the husband was diagnosed with cancer. Now he is able to take the time off work he needs to focus on his health and get well, while still being able to bring in a paycheck, all because they worked with him. They don’t lose their house and the family has one less stress in the midst of a highly emotional time- and this is possible because of the help he provided.
In Mark’s personal life: He leaves work early and picks up his kids from school once a week. It’s a weekly tradition he’s kept in place since he had his first child. His son recently was being bullied. On one of the outings, he opened up and shared what he’s going through. He trusts his dad because of the relationship they’ve developed over the years. His son’s friends are shocked that he would even consider talking to his dad about that kind of stuff. But because of the years Mark spent encouraging him, showing how proud of him he is, sharing his own stories of pain, and calling out his son’s identity he feels comfortable talking to his dad. Because he’s taken the time to really know his son, they have a deep relationship. This has created a confident teenager, who navigates school and peer pressure well.
You can see through the story above that purpose is tied to legacy. When we live from a place of legacy we start to see the purpose in the small actions of our day to day lives. In my work, I always stress the importance of living a life full of purpose because I believe that if we aren’t living intentionally in every area of our lives, then we are not living from our purpose. We can not let our drive to accomplish our dreams or achieve greatness cause us to bankrupt the other areas of our life.We do this through intentional living. Here are some practical ways to do this.
Weigh our decisions carefully and thoughtfully.
For instance, when we are faced with needing to decide a course of action, whether to add something new to our plate or how to approach a situation, consider the long term effects and how those involved will be impacted. Weigh these pieces carefully and remember life is a marathon, not a sprint
Commit to a decision and don’t break promises, especially to yourself.
So often we are the first person we let down. We do this because it’s easier to forgive ourselves, rather than fear disappointing someone else. After all, at least if we have to cancel on ourselves it doesn’t require us to explain the reason why and end up in conflict. But how we treat ourselves communicates to others how they’re allowed to treat us. If we devalue ourselves, it communicates to others that it’s ok for them to not value us and our needs. If we don’t honor our schedule, it tells others that they also don’t have to respect our time
Make intentional deposits, consistently and often.
After our own needs, I find that our family and loved ones are often the next on the chopping block. We tell ourselves that they’ll understand, we’ll make it up to them later, or they’re way more forgiving than our boss, student, clients… you fill in the blank. But those actions corrode the trust bank we have with our loved ones. I cannot tell you how many fractured marriages and relationships I see in my work, and how many people tell me that they wish they could go back and do it over again. We don’t always get a do-over. Those closest to us deserve our best and remember our relationships have a bank. Like any bank account, if we only make withdrawals and forget to make consistent deposits, we’ll end up over-drawn and bankrupt. So look for ways to make daily deposits. Invest in your relationships and keep your commitments, and it will build connection
Connect your work to the greater cause and show up for it fully.
I once worked for a staffing agency. It was a thankless job that worked to place people with complicated backgrounds in manufacturing jobs. It was exhausting and left me frustrated more days than not. But I started learning from my boss the art of hearing people’s stories. Why were they here, what led them to where they were in their life, what were their struggles and their dreams? I started to see their humanity, people who had real lives, pain, and passions like myself. So I recognized that when I helped Travis get a job, I helped him sleep better at night and pay his bills. When he dropped the ball and didn’t show up for work, I now didn’t get offended and think of him as lazy, but instead provided accountability for him to learn and tie it back to how it impacted his loved ones. Maybe he didn’t have someone growing up to teach him about work ethic but I could be someone he might learn from. Trust me, it still had its hard days but now my work had meaning and it was impacting people on a much greater scale. When we link our work to the big picture we start to walk out the purpose found in our daily lives.
Consider this:
What area of your life have you been neglecting?
Are there relationships that are suffering because you’ve forgotten to make deposits?
Do you rush through life forgetting to live intentionally?
Do you break promises to yourself because it’s easier than letting other people down?
The real question is, what are you going to do differently? Let me know how you are going to start living your life intentionally and connected to purpose. The time is now to start living full of purpose!